'Im'- Moral Expectations of an Indian Parent
India is a country I am happy to have been born in for a number of reasons, including its deep-rooted culture and beliefs, emotional attachment to everything, our cuisines, our way of thinking about certain things, our long-standing, scientifically validated customs, etc. However, with time, it also becomes a place where the expectations of everyone there, especially the parents, are unreal, unethical, and frequently unkind.
Years ago, there was news of a couple suing their son and daughter-in-law for not having a child. The reasons given for the lawsuit were illogical and therefore unacceptable to me, but this was just one instance of many that occur .
The customary Indian parenting practise is to have children for
1. We desire to play with them
2. We want to ensure that he would support us financially and take care of us as we age, among other things.
3. The requirement to reproduce in order to pass on our genes, etc.
Even though reasons 1 and 2 sound nonsensical, they account for the majority of Indian parents worldwide.
I think that once a couple has decided to have a child, for whatever reason, they are then obligated to provide for the child's fundamental requirements, whether they be medical, educational, or otherwise, as it was their decision to create life and care for it in all situations. It is still the parents' responsibility to work hard and provide the necessities, to the best of their ability, even if they are struggling economically.
It is selfish for parents to anticipate a return on all of their investments and to demand or put pressure on their kids to do the same. Since it comes naturally to youngsters if they have that unconditionally loving atmosphere around them since childhood, I am not against what a child should be doing as respect and honour to their parents. However, when you seek the return of those investments in particular, it is nothing less than a trade.
I have been living with a family who has supported me financially, cared for my education in school, and paid a portion of my college expenses. However, when it comes to my emotional needs, I hardly recall a time when they have shown me respect, affection, or love.
In such a situation, my separation from them was inevitable, and their demands that I repay their investment were unfair to me because I had relinquished all legal control over everything and had no affection or emotional connection with them. This has undoubtedly made it challenging for me to adjust to adulthood.
Separation from me was not a problem for them; rather, the money was a concern. They wanted it all back because they thought they owned me since I was their child, but in reality, you can't own someone if they don't want to be owned.
Parents believe that because they share a home with their kids, they have permission to ignore them and treat them badly whenever it suits them. They utterly disregard the idea that even as adults, they still need to have their respect and emotional needs met.
The so-called "values" take a turn of partiality towards the seniors' parents, treating their children like a stranger and relying on them exclusively for financial reasons, which Indian children feel is right because they are born into a home where they are taught to pay their parents back.
Decide whether or not you want children, be clear about your decision, and do not treat them as an investment or as a source of income because they are not your "Insurance for Old Age," but rather another living being with needs, opinions, battles, and worries just like you do.
Parents may feel that their kids are making good money and can take care of them, which puts undue pressure on the kids because the cost of living is rising along with wages. Sensitive kids may fall into a trap where they blame themselves for not living up to their parent's expectations and see themselves as the villain.
It becomes a habit of a parent to "keep asking for it," which they unknowingly keep on repeating even during mocking and in between sensitive conversations. Parents never stop reminding their children how much they spent on their education, marriage, etc., which distances them from one another.
I don't have a problem with kids doing things for their parents; rather, I'm against the undue pressure that parents purposefully or unwittingly place on their kids.
This is undoubtedly one of the contentious problems, and there are various viewpoints based on cultural differences, but in my experience, I have seen parents abusing their kids, and in those situations, the kids need to let go of their responsibility because the debt parents have incurred is not always transferable.
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